Emotions and personality go hand in hand, so I’m told. Knowing who I am has solidified why I see, act, and react the way I do. No matter how much you think you know about yourself when it comes to both emotions and personality, it’s still complicated.

Know Thyself

“Hi, I’m Janai, and I’m emotionally challenged.” This is a phrase I didn’t hesitate to say to my coworker as he read the title of the book I purchased while waiting for other coworkers to make their B&N selections. He told me he didn’t believe I was challenged, and I explained how deeply I needed to find out. I told him I was an empath without a doubt, but he had to understand that it only meant I was great with the emotions of others. Regarding my emotions and feelings, I use logical explanations for everything. If it doesn’t make sense to feel a way, I don’t. Also, when it’s my emotions versus someone using their emotions to manipulate me, they will forever lose. This is emotional intelligence; to manipulators, it’s emotional incompetence, and to anyone else, it may seem like emotional abandonment. In any case, I bought a self-scoring emotional intelligence test book, and I will share the results.

Ok, the results are in. The emotional intelligence test was broken down into eight categories, which was completely unexpected. I had not opened the book before it was time to take the test, so I had no idea what to expect. Here’s how to understand what is written below. The first bullet point under each category is my results, the second is my interpretation of the results, and the third is how I feel about the result’s accuracy. Anyway, the results are as follows:

Are you emotionally literate?

• My attempt to master my emotions are praiseworthy but frequently ill-judged and unsympathetic. 
• I ignore emotions that feel unworthy to acknowledge.
• I agree with the accuracy of these results. I do my best to control my emotions; however, I come off as unsympathetic.

Is self image positive or negative?

• I certainly accept what I think I am. My aggressive and assertiveness seem to speak more of poor self-image and confidence in a projection. I ignore my flaws, but I’m intolerant of the same weaknesses in others.
• I accept who I am but have a hard time accepting who others are. 
• I do not agree or disagree with these results. I do accept myself as I am. However, I also know my flaws, which I’m working on (why else would I be exposing myself through a blog called I’m just trippin?… duh). However, I do judge people regarding their flaws…when they don’t care about the people it affects. If a person doesn’t compromise because “that’s just who they are,” I have a problem with it, especially knowing that I am willing to compromise regardless of who I am. All I’m saying is I respect those willing to meet me halfway.

Are you an extrovert or introvert?

Let me just say with this result, it doesn’t precisely explain if I am an introvert or an extrovert…and if it does, it damn sure went entirely over my head. The words are never used beyond the question. 

• My timidity (I had to look up this word) is a handicap. I need to remind myself that many people could benefit from my good offices. I need to count my doubtless mini achievements and blessings and I need to look at the mini lesson unfortunate weaker stupider, less attractive than myself.
• Yikes! So this is basically saying I need to look down on people to feel better about myself.
• So firstly, I’d like to say woah!!! Secondly, after looking up the word timidity (which I’ll leave you to do on your own), all I could think of was, “Say it to my face, Mark Daniel, I dare you” (he’s the author of this self-scoring test, by the way). I think just because a person is an introvert does not mean they aren’t courageous. It means they don’t have time to deal with other people’s bullshit, so they prefer to stay out of the way. However, the rest of the results give me mixed feelings. I do go out of my way to display how useful I am; this is a result of my being disregarded as a child and acknowledging the fears of others (my parents, to be more specific …one in particular). I wouldn’t make anything of myself. But!!! One thing I will never do is put someone else down to make myself feel better. I may go as low as excusing myself from a relationship because my ambitions cannot survive around someone with a lack of ambition or who is unsupportive. Still, I will never feel as though I am better than someone because of my accomplishments, blessings, or looks. 

Are you independent?

• I seem fiercely independent, assertive, and constantly busy. Still, it would seem that, in my way, I am tied up in myself and independent of others’ responses to me, as favorable or unfavorable as the eternal victim.
• So this is saying I’m so independent I am incapable of noticing anyone else except when it comes to people liking or disliking me.
• Well, once again, I neither agree nor disagree, oddly. I am truly the most independent person I’ve ever known. However, I’ve had to be. I can count on one hand how many people I can count on (I have zero fingers up by the way…well I have one up and it’s pointed directly at the author of this book). As far as people’s favor or that lack thereof toward me, I couldn’t care less. One thing I learned at a very young age is that no one is going to support me the way I need to be supported with the exception of myself and I am not responsible for how people feel about that fact or me, for that matter.

Who is in charge, the child or the adult?

• I am described as happy and confident and quite ready to be playful and irresponsible where appropriate. I would seem to have reconciled the needs of a child to be loved and nurtured with the adult role of lover and nurturer.
• This basically means I display an equal balance of both.
• I agree that I know when to play and when to be serious…life’s too short to be one or the other all the time.

Are you a follower or a leader?

• I seem to be leadership material, able to understand and withstand my subordinates, potential or otherwise, and delegate work to them. Leadership involves autonomy, a strong sense of identity and purpose, empathy, and perhaps the ability to manage time. 
• I think this one is self-explanatory.
• I agree

Are you making the most of yourself at work?

• Stubborn, officious, and interfering are words used to describe me. I cannot convince anyone of my leadership qualities, though I think I have them. I will not be successful at changing my workplace if I grip my dignity and position so tightly. It’s better to win over my peers and subordinates than my bosses.
• I have no work ambitions. I have the same chance as my peers to stand out in my workplace. And I need to appeal more to my coworkers than my bosses.
• I agree with this one. I don’t have any work ambitions. There’s no natural way to move up in my workplace, and I have zero desire to. Most management positions are temporary, and I have no desire to deal with the “busy work” and office politics they participate in. I’d rather hang with my coworkers and keep my mellow position.

Is your relationship in danger of “flooding”?

*Before I jump into this, let me say I am not in a relationship; therefore, I knew the results of this section before I even started it because I based my answers upon my last relationship. I also substituted Mark’s word “flooding” for failing…because that’s exactly how I took it.

• I shouldn’t say someone is “always” or “never” something because no one can be “always” or “never” something. When I say things as such, it is being violent with my words, which only begets more violence.
• So basically, I am battering when I say “always” and “never” because it is berating.
• So I disagree; of course, you knew I was going to. Let me tell you something about myself. I am all about the “we” and “us” until I’m not. In my last relationship, my ex was very selfish. His mouth said “we” and “us,” but his actions said “me” and “I.” In turn, my words and actions said “me” and “I” because someone had to look out for me, and he made it clear it would not be him. There comes a point in everyone’s life where they realize when they aren’t being treated right. Some disregard those feelings because they want somebody, hell, anybody. And those like me peep what’s happening and choose themselves. I will always choose ME.

*I will say that these questions were multiple-choice, and quite a few answers were answers that I would never choose… yet I was forced to choose one because that’s how the test works. This is not to excuse my results; this is simply to state that I don’t quite fit into the parameters for which this test was designed. 

Well, this test has helped a total of NONE. I feel I have learned nothing from the results. I expected more “feeling” questions, and this test went over quite a few topics that I don’t feel express any emotional connection with. I may have to find an online test to fulfill my expectations. 

Read all about my attempt to be social in a new place in “Intentions” and Dating.