For some of you, this may be a pretty triggering read, but it’s real, nonetheless. If you choose to read on, just know, this post has no rhyme or reason; it simply divulges an ugly truth or two that I felt the need to release.

The Science of being Social

I had a conversation with my sister not too long ago that hit me hard by the end of the night. It started off with a simple “joke, not joking” text. I sent “Where does one go to make friends? Asking for someone who a has none (it’s me, I’m someone lol).” She ended up sending me a clip of a vlog that she was watching that ironically addressed the question I asked. The young lady’s vlog expressed underlying issues of social media, technology, and social anxiety. I didn’t agree with much of it. I expressed to my sister that I do not suffer from social anxiety. Awkwardness, absolutely, but anxiety no. But I quickly learned I was wrong. I don’t suffer from either of them. I would post the definitions of both here, but I’m not sure about the parameters of unintentional plagiarism or whatever else it may be called, so I’ll leave you to look those up on your own. In any case, my issue with being social simply lies upon me being grown. 

I disclosed to my sister “I don’t wanna go to a bar and get shitfaced drunk. I don’t wanna go to a club where I can’t hear the person I came with, and random guys are rubbing up against me. I’m old! I wanna do wine tastings. I want to take cooking classes. I want to take art classes. I love pole dancing classes. I want experiences that I can come back from…. Not the type I may not live through.” Yes, I am aware that the last part is a bit dramatic.

She expressed the wants of similar experiences. However, she is, by definition, socially anxious. (I know she’s going to read this, so my apologies for exposing such things but there is someone out here that will know they are not alone, thanks to you). She explained that she hasn’t made any new friends (she already has friends) because she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to be herself around them. She explained her overall issue as caring what other people think. Now I, on the other hand, couldn’t care less with the exception of being held accountable, of course. But nonetheless, I can wholeheartedly understand her concerns.

Anyway, making friends at my age (or possibly at any age by society’s downhill standards) is tough. I crave quality. With people pleasing being the all-time epidemic along with stagnant thinking and conformity, where does quality fit in? I have no intention on being anyone’s “yes (wo)man”, I’m always looking to grow and explore new things, and confirming are for the birds…literally the flock. Where are the ambitious, the combative, and the direct? That’s who I’d like to be friends with! Ok, enough of my soapbox standing!

Magical Thinking and a Little Retail Therapy

Uncorrelated and jumping topics, as usual, our conversation went on. I sadly uncovered another ugly truth and exposed my greatest problem. Magical thinking, not wishful thinking but MAGICAL. I expressed to myself that I put things in my [insert online store here] shopping cart and magically think $500 will appear or I’ll buy new workout outfits and shoes and magically I’ll enjoy working out. I could go on, but I won’t. I then proceeded to share these thoughts. I was officially fed up with myself.

And though magically thinking is pretty sad, it’s not the saddest part of the ordeal. The saddest part is that I can tell you what’s wrong with me, wake up and do it all tomorrow. But here is good news, by time you all read this post (a month or so after it was written), I will have changed. All of that stopped the moment I exposed myself in that conversation. It’s not who I want to be. (And I can assure you it stopped because this post would have never seen the light of day if I hadn’t…no sense in exposing myself this way to the world had it continued). 

I, of course, have more to say, but I’m going to stop here. I think it’s best I continue to work through these issues before proceeding to the next. Once again, I don’t express these things to expose myself, but to verbalize to whomever else that is just realizing they aren’t alone.

All in all, I faced my ugly truth…and man was it ugly!!! I challenge you to face a truth of your own, no matter how ugly it is. You deserve to be the best version of yourself! If you’d like to follow the other new habits I am trying to create, check outt the following links:

2024 Reboot: Healthy Habits And Other Nonsense – 2024-reboot-healthy-habits-and-other-nonsense

Pinterest: https://pin.it/1ixTiOH2y

Stay tuned, the next post will be another travel post!! Catch upon my Paris post by clicking Here.

Love Life,

Janai